You Asked For It
The site was designed not only to sell toys, but also to help you in the bedroom. To that end, we will answer questions that have been sent in to us. Some of the questions also come from various speaking engagements that some of us have done. To submit a question, just email support@sextoysforchristians.com. If we use your question, you will get 15% off your next purchase.
My husband and I have different tastes when it comes to sex. Is that bad?
Having different tastes and styles is ok. This is normal. In fact, having different tastes is more common than being a perfect match in bed. Many couples never get clarity about their sex lives because it feels embarrassing to talk about it. Then, they suffer in silence. If you are afraid, he will get defensive, then slow down to access the part of you that is authentically curious. When you lead with curiosity, it's hard to respond with defensiveness. Try sentences like this: 'I really like [fill in the blank].' Or, 'I've noticed we rarely engage in [this activity]. I'm curious how you feel about it?' Then later, 'I'm curious if it's not an activity that we are both mutually comfortable with, is there a way for us to get creative with simulating that same sensation? Again, when we recognize that our partner is turned on by a particular activity, and lead with 'this turns me on,' then it's way easier to hear our partner's desires and be open to finding a place for overlap or compromise.
What advice would you give to a couple shopping for the best mattress for sex?
Deciding on the ideal mattress for a restful night is important since you’ll probably be sleeping on it for the next 10yr…but what should a couple keep in mind when shopping for the best mattress for sex? Here are some key factors to consider:
Size: Queen or the ultimate King for maximum spaciousness and fun.
Bounce factor: It will help with motion of the ocean
Edge Support: Good edge support will increase your play surface and keep you from sliding off.
Durability-Density: Good quality with a foundation of at least 6” made of spring coils or high-quality dense foam.
Quiet (or preferably silent) most folks care about noise privacy and ensuring the neighbors are out of earshot!
Comfort: Spring-coil, Latex or Foam? Definitely Spring coil #1, Latex #2 and unless you cannot live without it #3 Foam. Foam is for a good night’s sleep, snuggling and cuddling after sex but lacks bounce and mobility because it tends to sink.
Breathability: Pick a mattress that will breath and not retain heat.
If you’re in the market for a frame too, the platform frame is a fabulous choice for sex over the 4 legged (squeaky) frame since it’s stable and silent.
My husband wants me to try some anal play on him. What does the bible say about it?
The Bible nowhere gives a specific list of what is allowed or disallowed sexually between a husband and wife. Here are some thoughts.
The Bible does not overtly mention anal sex. The account of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19 is often used as the basis for declaring anal sex a sin. In that account, a group of men sought to gang rape two angels who had taken the form of men. The reasonable presumption is that the men of Sodom wanted to have forcible anal sex with the angels. The men’s homosexual lust is obvious, but anal sex is not explicitly mentioned in the passage. The words sodomy and sodomize come from this biblical account. Sodomy is, literally, “the sin of Sodom.” The strict understanding of sodomy, based solely on the events of Genesis 19, would have to be “forcible anal sex, with one male homosexually raping another male anally.”
The term sodomy has acquired a broader definition than what is biblically warranted. Today, “sodomy” is often used to refer to any non-penile/vaginal sexual act, including anal and oral sex. If the biblical text is used as the basis for the definition, though, “sodomy” cannot include oral sex or, technically, even consensual anal sex.
The Bible clearly condemns homosexuality as an immoral and unnatural sin (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:26–27; 1 Corinthians 6:9). The Bible strongly condemns rape, as well (Deuteronomy 22:25–27). The question is, does the Bible condemn all anal sex, even if it does not involve homosexuality or coercion? Outside of marriage, all forms of sex, including anal sex, are sinful and immoral.
Figuring out the boundaries of what is acceptable within marriage gives a husband and wife a great opportunity to seek the Lord’s wisdom. Together they can learn how to love each other more deeply and meaningfully. Sex is a lot more than just sharing your body—it is a journey of intimacy.
The Bible does not explicitly speak for or against anal sex within marriage. The medical community, however, warns of the significantly increased risk of tissue damage and bacterial infection that accompanies anal sex. By following biblical principles and factoring in the medical risks, a couple can come to a God-honoring decision together.
How do I tell my spouse you want to add a toy in the bedroom?
Let me start with this harsh reality. 81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone (without additional clitoral stimulation). Only 18.4% of women report that intercourse alone is sufficient to orgasm. Even if you are well endowed or you can hammer like a jack rabbit. Your spouse most likely is not going to have an orgasm. But don’t be discouraged, there are things that you can do. Adding a toy can help her reach that pinnacle just like you do.
Having the conversation can be awkward and possibly difficult. Here is where the strength of communication between the two of you comes in play. If you've never used sex toys in your relationship, it may seem daunting and awkward to bring it up to your partner. But opening a dialogue about sex toys can help with both communication and sexual pleasure — and the benefits don't stop there.
First and foremost, make sure that your timing is right. I wouldn’t bring it up while you are at the checkout in Target or even if you are in bed before or after having sex. Start the conversation by reaffirming your love and attraction for your spouse. Make sure they know that your interest in a vibrator doesn't diminish your desire for them. Explain your reasons for wanting a vibrator. You might mention that it can enhance pleasure for both of you, provide variety, and even help explore new dimensions of intimacy. Emphasize that this isn't about replacing your spouse or indicating dissatisfaction, but rather about enhancing your shared experiences.
Recognize that your spouse might have different feelings or concerns about the idea. Encourage them to express their thoughts openly. Be a good listener. Allow your spouse to share their thoughts and concerns without interruption. Let them know their feelings are real and show that you value their perspective.
If your spouse has concerns or reservations, address them patiently. You can discuss boundaries, comfort levels, and any fears they might have. If your spouse is interested, involve them in the selection process. Shopping for toys together is a good way to get something that you both want.
If your spouse needs time to think about it, respect their need for space. Let them know there's no rush, and you're there to discuss it whenever they're ready.
Is it ok to withhold sex if I am angry with my spouse?
First and foremost, sex should never be used as a weapon. It should never be withheld in anger. Sex is designed for spouses to connect with each other on an intimate level. Using sex as a weapon in marriage is not a healthy or respectful approach to resolving conflicts or addressing issues within a relationship. Using sex as a weapon will lead to a breakdown of trust, emotional harm, and further issues within the relationship. It can create a toxic dynamic where one partner manipulates the other through withholding intimacy, which can damage the emotional well-being of both individuals.
What we need to keep in mind is that using sex manipulatively is a form of abuse. Not only is it detrimental to the relationship, but it deeply wounds the other person, damaging the way we express and receive love in marriage. Using sex in a manipulative way has never made anyone’s sex life better. It takes the joy out of intimacy. Sex is healthy and enjoyable when it’s a mutual expression of love, when we faithfully manifest with our bodies the love we have in our hearts.
Intimacy in marriage is more than just a fun time. It’s about respecting and valuing each other. When this is corrupted by using sex for selfish purposes, the self-esteem of your spouse will be damaged. This will soon breed resentment. This abusive behavior is contrary to true spousal love of constant self-giving and can destroy the relationship.
If the behavior continues, you may need to have a blunt conversation to express your concerns and renew your commitment to a more selfless love, not just in your sex life, but in every aspect of your relationship. If you realize that you have treated your spouse this way, you need to stop immediately. If you manipulate your spouse through sex, which is a key expression of married love, you are jeopardizing your relationship.
If there’s a problem in the relationship, it’s best to deal with it head-on, with honest communication. Spouses inevitably have disagreements, but that doesn’t make it okay to withhold love through sexual intimacy.
Why is it bad if I fake an orgasm?
This answer is mostly directed toward women. As the late Robin Williams says, “Men can’t fake an orgasm, who wants to look that dumb.” Looking back on that famous scene in the movie When Harry met Sally, we can see how convincing a fake orgasm can be. So, the first question that I have is, why would you want to do it in the first place? Are you thinking that it will make your spouse feel that they accomplished some great feet. Or are you wanting to get the act over with sooner because you haven’t finished today’s to-do list. No matter the reasoning, stop doing it. Let me tell you why!
Faking an orgasm is first and foremost dishonest. Honesty needs to be the cornerstone in any relationship. If you let your spouse believe that they are satisfying you sexually when they haven’t. This can create a false sense of accomplishment and prevent couples from addressing any issues in their sexual relationship. If you consistently fake orgasms, it can complicate issues related to sexual satisfaction, intimacy, or communication. When these issues continue, they will create tension and dissatisfaction in the long term.
Real sexual communication and expression of desires are vital to build intimacy and trust in a relationship. Faking orgasms can hinder this process by preventing open and honest discussions about sexual needs and preferences. When orgasms are faked, the partner may not receive constructive feedback to improve their sexual performance. Open communication, your likes, dislikes, and desires are vital for enhancing sexual experiences.
Faking it can negatively impact self-esteem and self-confidence for both partners. The one faking may feel inadequate or dishonest, while the other may feel misled and question their ability to satisfy their partner. Faking orgasms can create emotional distance between partners. The one faking may feel emotionally disconnected from their partner, while the other may sense that something is off but not knowing what it is. The sense that something is amiss, can grow into distrust.
Lastly, if you and your spouse are struggling to satisfy each other. I recommend the Rand McNally Map approach to sex. Give them directions; “go left, go right, keep straight, make the next left and you are there. Communication is everything.
How to keep romance going when your spouse travels for work.
Maintaining a strong romantic connection with someone can be challenging. Even when they are next to you every day. So, what can you do when one of the spouses’ jobs requires them to be away from home for an extended period? Balancing work, and personal life can put a strain on any relationship. It is possible to keep the romance alive and thriving while you are apart. Here are some suggestions that can help keep the spark in your marriage alive. Some of these may be out of your comfort zone, my suggestion is that you dip your toe in the water before you dive right in.
Get a piece of paper, an envelope, and a stamp. Write down your sexiest fantasy in as much detail as you can. For an added twist, leave the ending open and invite your partner to finish the story in a letter back to you. Old school? Yes. Incredibly hot, definitely.
Start sexting as a warm-up.
If you are not accustomed to talking this way out loud, this is a good way to do it without feeling embarrassed at the beginning. Start with a simple “I miss you” I miss how you make me feel” I miss the way you touch me” etc. Send them randomly throughout the day and see what happens.
Learn the skill of Talking Dirty to them.
Once you feel comfortable with sexting, start talking dirty on the phone. If that makes you uncomfortable, don’t worry! You can still have a fulfilling long-distance sex life, but if it’s something that you want, it’s worth it to put some time and effort into. Talking dirty to each other is a delicate combination of what you say and how you say it. Practice makes perfect!
Look into Remote-Operated Sex Toys.
The future is here, and it is so much sexy fun! While no sex toy can replace the power of your partner’s touch, some do come close. There are many products on the market that work remotely. Go to our site and look under tab shared together. You will find there may be several options for what you need.
Try using video chat services.
The technology is there, so start using it for some pleasure and not just another boring meeting. You have it at your fingertips. There are so many different options like Skype, Facetime, Snapchat, private DMs with Instagram, etc. Skype and Facetime are great for mutual masturbation, while sliding into their DMs with a suggestive message can help you introduce different kinds of role-playing. Just don’t send a dick pic to her work email because that may the opposite effect, ok?
Let Sexual Tension Build.
We all want what we can’t have, therefore use this to your advantage and deny each other orgasms for a couple of days. By the time you connect online or over the phone, you’ll be so eager for it. The chances of things getting even steamier increase tenfold when you’ve been waiting for it.
Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself.
When you and your partner aren’t in the same room, you’re forced to get creative to sustain a sexual relationship. This can be so much fun - if you let it. However, it can also be intense if you’re expecting each other to fulfill every sexual need that arises. Keeping your solo masturbation practice alive and well can help alleviate some of this pressure and keep things fun. The one caveat is that you don’t use porn. Watch videos that your partner may have sent or read some of the dirty notes that they have sent you. You want the thoughts of your partner to get you in the mood, not some random porn star.
How can I overcome sexual performance anxiety?
Sexual performance anxiety is more common than you may know. There are several strategies to possibly reduce it. Have open communication with your spouse, managing your external stress’s, using relaxation techniques, and lastly focusing on the journey rather than the results. John Mayer had it right when he sung “One thing I've left to do, discover me discovering you”. Quickies are great, I am all for them, but sometimes we need that slow roll in sack. Take the time to enjoy the moments together with them. Not every time, it’s going to be toe curling, wake up the neighbors, with a side order of fireworks kind of sex. This isn’t a movie. Having sex and making love is about learning your partner wants and needs and fulfilling them. You do not have to be a stud every time. If a problem does come up, or for that matter it doesn’t come up, don’t freak out, and try not to be embarrassed. Talk about it with your spouse and find a solution. If that does not work, reach out to a good marriage counselor. If you are in the Central Florida area, drop us an email and I can recommend one with good credentials. The bottom line is you are both in this for the long hall, so a bump in the road every now and then is not that bad.
What form of birth control is the best to use?
There are many ways to prevent pregnancy. Before we go into the options, please make sure both you and your partner are on the same page regarding wanting or not wanting a child currently. I can’t say it enough, communication, communication, communication. It's also good to note that each method has its own effectiveness, side effects, and considerations. The choice of contraception should be made based on your circumstances, preferences, and consulting a healthcare professional. They will provide personalized advice, discuss potential side effects, and help determine the most suitable method for your individual needs.
Condoms: Condoms are barrier methods that can be used by males or females. They provide protection against both unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Condoms are easily accessible, affordable, and have no significant side effects.
Birth Control Pills: Oral contraceptives, commonly known as birth control pills, are hormonal methods taken daily. They are highly effective in preventing pregnancies when used correctly. In addition to pregnancy prevention, birth control pills can regulate menstrual cycles, reduce menstrual pain, and improve acne.
Contraceptive Implants: These are small, flexible rods inserted under the skin of the upper arm. They release hormones that prevent pregnancy for several years (usually 3-5 years). Implants are highly effective, reversible, and require minimal user effort once inserted.
Intrauterine Devices (IUDs): IUDs are small T-shaped devices inserted into the uterus by a healthcare provider. They offer long-term contraception (3-10 years, depending on the type) and are highly effective. IUDs are low maintenance, reversible, and do not interfere with sexual spontaneity.
Contraceptive Patches: These are patches worn on the skin that release hormones to prevent pregnancy. They are changed once a week for three weeks, followed by one patch-free week. Patches are convenient, discreet, and do not require daily attention.
Vaginal Rings: Vaginal rings are flexible rings inserted into the vagina, where they release hormones to prevent pregnancy. They are left in place for three weeks and removed for a ring-free week. Vaginal rings are easy to use, offer steady hormone levels, and provide menstrual cycle control.
Diaphragms and Cervical Caps: These barrier methods are inserted into the vagina to cover the cervix and prevent sperm from entering the uterus. They require proper fitting and use of spermicide. Diaphragms and cervical caps can be inserted in advance, offering flexibility and control.
How do I tell my spouse I don’t want to have sex?
Before I answer that question, let’s make sure that we define what “I don’t want to have sex” means. Are you saying you don’t ever want to have sex or just at this moment? If the answer to that question is never, then we need to look at this in a deeper way, we will tackle that issue later. If you just don’t want to have sex at this moment, we will look at it in a different way. When faced with the question whether to have sex or not, there are two ways to say no. there is the outright “no” or what I would recommend is “no” with explanation added. Clearly articulate your reasons for not wanting to engage in sexual activity now. It could be due to physical discomfort, emotional stress, low libido, or any other reasons. But in turn set an alternate day (within 3-4 days) or time. This will let them know that you want to, but now is not the best time. During the quote on quote waiting period, it will give the added benefit of anticipation for the next time that you will have sex. It can have an edging effect. If you are not familiar with that term. Edging is the practice of engaging in sexual stimulation to the point of ejaculation before stopping and starting again. Men and women want to know that they are still desired by their partners. If you just shut them down with a quick “no” and you walk away, you will leave questions in their minds. Remember that men’s egos are very fragile. It does not take much to make them feel undesired. Assure them of your commitment: Reassure your partner that your decision does not indicate a lack of attraction or love. Emphasize that your desire is to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship, and this requires open communication about your boundaries and needs.
How can I talk to my partner about sexual desires and boundaries?
Choose the right time and place: Find a comfortable and relaxed setting where both of you can openly discuss your feelings and desires without distractions.
Be clear about your own desires and boundaries: Before discussing your partner's desires, take some time to reflect on your own preferences, boundaries, and needs. This will help you communicate more effectively.
Use "I" statements: When expressing your desires or boundaries, use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational. For example, say "I would like to try..." or "I feel uncomfortable when..."
Respect each other's boundaries: It's important to respect your partner's boundaries even if they differ from your own desires. Healthy sexual relationships are built on mutual consent and respect.
Discuss fantasies and preferences: Talk about any fantasies or preferences you have and encourage your partner to do the same. This can help deepen intimacy and understanding between you both.
Seek out collaboration and negotiation to find common ground: If there are differences in desires or boundaries, work together to find compromises that satisfy both partners. Open dialogue and negotiation can help create a mutually satisfying sexual experience.
Consider professional help if needed: If you're struggling to have this conversation or facing challenges in your sexual relationship, consider seeking guidance from a sex therapist or counselor who can provide specialized support.
Remember, ongoing communication is key. As your relationship evolves and new desires or boundaries arise, make sure to continue having open and honest discussions with your partner to maintain a healthy and fulfilling sexual connection
Where is the G-spot on a woman?
If you look straight at her vagina, it’s going to be a little to the left, or a little to the right, or just outside of Cleveland. The best way to find it is to ask your partner. If you have read anything that we have written, you will remember that communication is the most important part of love making.
Let’s begin with a little bit of history. The term G-spot or Gräfenberg spot was named after Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg. He first described it in the 1950's as an area inside the vagina, that is highly sensitive and capable of producing intense sexual pleasure when stimulated.
The exact location and characteristics of the G-spot are still a subject of debate and may vary from person to person. It is typically described as being located on the front wall of the vagina, about 1 to 2 inches (2.5 to 5 centimeters) inside, towards the belly button. When a person is sexually aroused, the G-spot may become swollen and more sensitive.
It's important to remember that sexual pleasure and satisfaction can be highly individual, and not everyone may find stimulation of the G-spot pleasurable. Communication and exploration with a partner, along with focusing on overall sexual well-being and pleasure, are often more important than trying to locate a specific spot. Lastly, men have one too, but that we can leave for another day.
What are some tough questions that couples need to ask each other?
What are your sexual desires and fantasies? It's important to openly discuss your desires, fantasies, and any specific interests you have. This can create a way for exploration and understanding.
How do you define sexual satisfaction? Understanding what each partner considers satisfying can help ensure both individuals feel fulfilled in their sexual relationship.
Are there any sexual boundaries or limitations? Discussing boundaries and limitations is crucial for establishing trust and ensuring that both partners feel comfortable and respected.
Have you discussed sexual health? Openly discussing sexual health, including past experiences, STI testing, contraception, and safe sex practices, is essential for the well-being of both partners.
Communicate about sexual needs and concerns? Discussing how you can effectively communicate about your needs, concerns, and preferences can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship.
What are your expectations regarding frequency and quality of sex? Understanding each partner's expectations and desires regarding the frequency and quality of sex can help manage expectations and prevent misunderstandings.
How do you navigate sexual problems or challenges? Addressing potential sexual problems or challenges, such as erectile dysfunction, pain during intercourse, or performance anxiety, can be uncomfortable but necessary for finding solutions and seeking professional help if needed.
How to make our first time more comfortable and pleasurable?
Make your time, communicate openly about your desires and boundaries, engage in plenty of foreplay, and use a water-based lubricant to enhance comfort. Being relaxed, using contraception if needed, and practicing good communication can also contribute to a positive experience. Also don’t be disappointed if your first time isn’t fireworks and lightning. What makes a first-time lover into a good lover, and then a great lover, is time and a willingness to learn. Learning your partner’s body and how to arouse them, that is the goal. So just keep practicing
What is the average size for a penis:
The average penis size varies among individuals and populations. Several studies have attempted to measure the average penis size, but there can be variations in methodologies and sample sizes. Additionally, it's important to remember that penis size alone does not determine sexual satisfaction or performance. A comprehensive systematic review published in the British Journal of Urology International analyzed data from various studies and reported the following average measurements:
Average flaccid penis length: Approximately 2.8- 3.9 inches
Average erect penis length: Approximately 5.16 – 5.5 inches
Average erect penis girth (circumference): Approximately 4.59 inches
It's essential to keep in mind that these figures represent average measurements and that there is a wide range of sizes considered normal and healthy. Individual experiences and preferences may also vary. If concerns about penis size or sexual performance are causing distress, it may be helpful to consult with a healthcare professional who can provide guidance and support based on your specific circumstances.
How often should a couple have sex?
It depends on who you ask. If you ask a husband, he will say it’s never enough. If you ask your wife, she will say it does not matter. Therein lies the myth, that men want it more than women, I know plenty of women that want it at least 3 times a week, and men that have low libidos. So back to the question of what is normal. Statistically, once a week is a good starting point for ages 40- and 50. While 20- to 30-year-olds tend to average around twice a week. There is no ideal number of times every married couple should be having sex. It comes down to preferences. That said, Sex in a marriage is very important and should not be ignored. Couples need to make time for intimacy. If I said that I would give you $1,000 every time you and your husband could steal away 30 minutes a week. You would find the time. Sex needs to have that type of priority in your relationship. My guess is, very few marriages fail because of too much sex. I say, in this instance more may be better than less.
Is watching porn good to learn techniques to be better in bed?
The short answer, No. The long answer, No. Every answer in between, No. Do you see the pattern? Lets start off with the basic’s, porn is not real. Learning about sex through a fantasy representation, doesn’t do a whole lot of good. It doesn't prepare you for what to really expect when you get in bed with a partner. While some sex can be purely physical, sex also carries an emotional aspect. There is no intimacy among the actors. In most cases, they just meet in the last hour, before jumping in the sack. If you want to be better in bed, use the most important thing you have. Your Mouth. No, not to use it on them, but to speak to them. You know how your parts work, and your partner the same. Tell them what you want. Tell them what you like. Tell them what feels good. You are in this for the long haul. The best lovers are also the best communicators to each other. If you can’t say it. Write it down and have them read it. There are even card and board games that can help you with it. Lastly, the only thing that porn leaves people with is shame, body image issues, and a whole lot of guilt. But not how to make love.
Kink Vs Fetish. What is the difference?
In casual conversation, the words fetish and kink are often tossed around interchangeably to mean any sexual desire or tendency that falls outside the mainstream inclination ― like bondage, for example. But while all fetishes are kinks, not all kinks are not fetishes. Let’s try it this way. “Kink” or “being kinky” is a big umbrella term to describe sexual behaviors, acts, and desires. Kink is anything that falls outside the bounds of culturally defined expectations. Basically, anything that’s not penile-vaginal intercourse. Think missionary vs 69 positions.
Fetish on the other hand is a fixation on something outside the norm, typically non-sexual body part, object, or act. You have heard the term “foot fetish” or “latex fetish. Someone with a particular fetish usually needs that object or act to be part of a sexual experience to achieve full erotic satisfaction. People with fetishes may still be able to enjoy sexual pleasure without the fetish object present, but many still require it to experience arousal.
The bottom line is this. While "kinky" refers to a broader range of sexual behaviors and preferences, "fetish" refers to a specific sexual fixation or obsession with a particular object, body part, or activity. No matter which camp you fall into, if you and your partner agree respectively you should have smooth sailing in bed.
How long should foreplay be?
If you ask google you get the following answer:
“A few minutes of foreplay may be all you need. "Aim for at least 10 minutes to give your bodies enough time to warm up," suggests Herbenick. What's important is to "focus on kissing and stroking the stomach, inner thighs, and breasts before moving toward the genitals," she notes.”
So, that’s not too bad, but I think we can do better. It should be longer; I think it should be a lot longer. I say, it should be 24/7. And what's wrong with that. You are probably thinking to yourself, that no work would get done. The dishes would pile up, the laundry wouldn't get done, etc. Every couple would be acting like horny 21 year-old newlyweds.... What could possibly be wrong with that, we can learn a lot from young love. Couples should keep the sexual anticipation and fire going throughout the day, for as long as they can. I am not advocating that you keep your tongue down her throat day. Maybe, just a pat the tush or a quick groping of his crouch. Those little acts throughout the day can have lastly effects on your sex life. It can be is a remainder that you still find the person desirable. And who doesn't want that.